Clone Swap Party XL!
by Ya-Ya Sestrahood
Summary: Because four clones wasn't enough. A bigger, fluffier follow-up to Clone Swap Party! Starring: Sarah as Krystal, Alison as Helena, Helena as Cosima, Cosima as Veera, Veera as Beth, Beth as Alison, Krystal as Rachel, and maybe, possibly, Rachel as Sarah.


**1\. Pre-Party and the Wager**

Alison dashed here and there, dusting surfaces, and arranging shelves, and lining up plates of food. Felix's loft hadn't looked this impeccable since, well… since Alison had last cleaned it.

"It's just a party, Alison," Sarah said. "You need to relax. You're makin' me nervous."

Alison stared back at Sarah - fully supine on the couch, shoes kicked off, nursing a beer.

"You don't _look_ nervous," Alison said. Sarah shrugged. "And you're going to mess up your wig, lying like that."

The wig Alison was referring to was long and blonde. Sort of Krystal-like, really, which made sense, as Sarah was going to be playing Krystal. It was a prospect that sort of just made Sarah want to lie on a couch and drink.

And Alison had been cleaning in full Helena costume, which was a sight that felt wrong and backwards and sort of just made Sarah want to lie on a couch and drink.

Sarah had offered to help, of course, but was secretly thankful when Alison declined. She'd already seen Sarah's idea of _clean,_ after all.

"Sestra," Helena called out, stumbling out of the bathroom. "How do I look?"

Sarah tilted her head back, peering upside-down at her sister. Well, she looked a bit like if Cosima hadn't slept in a week. Sarah gave a thumbs-up, clicking her tongue in approval.

"Amazin', Cos."

Helena grinned back.

"I have never worn clothes like these before." And as if on cue, her tight skirt and awkward heeled boots decided to conspire against her. She tripped over herself in slow motion. Her hand caught the table, sending a tray of hors d'oeuvres and crudités and other _fancy words Alison used for food_ toppling to the floor.

Helena raised her head sheepishly, hoping Alison somehow hadn't noticed. The icy glare shooting in her direction seemed to indicate she had _very much_ noticed.

" _Again?_ " Alison asked incredulously. She still remembered scrubbing the bits of food out of the carpet after Helena's last accident.

"Sorry," Helena said. "But it was not because of drinking this time." In Helena's mind, this made it better.

"Just… leave it," Alison said, exasperated, as Helena scrambled to pick up all the remarkably tiny snacks, mostly ending up just burying food deeper into the carpet. Helena raised her hands and stood, Alison moving in, targeting and eliminating each small mess with pinpoint precision.

"She just likes being dramatic," Sarah whispered to her sister, reaching up and gently patting her back. Unfortunately, this motion caused the bottle in her lap to tip _just enough_ to send a splash of beer onto Alison's head.

Time seemed to freeze. Sarah and Helena's eyes went wide with panic.

...Alison kept cleaning. She even started humming a little tune.

 _Thank fuck for that cheap wig_ , Sarah thought. She turned to Helena, pressed a finger to her lips. Helena mirrored her, thrilled to share a secret with her twin.

"Hello?" came a soft voice from the front door. It was Veera, or someone dressed like her. _Hoodie, backpack, sheep mask._

"Lamb sestra!" Helena shouted, part out of excitement, part as a distraction from the beer that was slowly dripping off of Alison's blonde Helena curls.

 _Lamb sestra_ pulled her mask up (it was Cosima) and looked around the room. Sarah lazing on the couch, Alison on the floor, cleaning, Helena bounding across the room with her arms outstretched.

 _Oomph_.

Helena collided with Cosima, knocking a burst of air from her lungs.

"Sorry," Helena said, righting herself. "I tripped."

"Hey. It's good to see you too." Cosima matched Helena's toothy grin with her own.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, glancing at her Mika-appropriate watch before realizing she hadn't set it. "Am I early?"

"Just barely," Alison said. She continued to scrub as she looked up. "I knew you'd be late, so I told you the party was half an hour earlier than it was."

"What?" Cosima shook her head disbelievingly, waving her arms as if trying to conjure an explanation out of the air. She looked to Sarah for help, but was only met with a laugh and a shrug.

"Has anyone told you you can get a little… _intense_ with the party planning stuff?"

"Yes. Several times." Alison stopped scrubbing for a moment, leaned back to rest on her calves.

"I wanted you here. You help calm me down."

Cosima sighed, annoyance giving way to sympathy.

"Alright, Alison," she said. Alison gave a small smile, embarrassed, then got back to work.

"Oi," Sarah said roughly, reaching over to knock Alison's shoulder with the back of her hand. "What about me? I'm a calmin' presence."

"No offense, Sarah, but you always look ready to fight someone at the drop of a hat."

Sarah huffed, turning to the others for backup. Cosima waved a hand and made a _she's not wrong_ sort of face _._

"Yes, very grouchy," Helena said, nodding seriously. "Like the garbage monster."

"Right, well you can all piss off," Sarah said in an amused kind of way, and maybe in a slightly bitter kind of way.

With that settled, Cosima finally took notice of Helena (who was still standing _very close_ , by the way) and her whole look.

"Dude, look at _you._ You're hot shit."

Helena tilted her head to the side, considering.

"This is good? Hot shit?"

Cosima smiled warmly.

"It's good, it's good."

"I tried to make the eyes, but…" Helena sort of motioned vaguely toward her face. Faint smudges of eyeliner lingered on her cheeks from where she'd rubbed it away in frustration. Cosima took her hand, smiling.

"Come on, sestra," she said, leading her around the couch to the bathroom. "We're gonna achieve maximum Cosima."

Sarah propped herself up on her elbows to get a good look at Helena's face as she passed.

"Oh, meathead, y'know I coulda helped you with that, yeah?"

Helena tilted her head, surprised.

"You know how to do this?"

"Well, yeah," Sarah said, matter-of-fact. "I do my own."

"Oh," said Helena flatly. "I thought you were just always tired."

Sarah let out a stunned sort of _wuh_ noise. By the time she'd turned around to protest, Helena had already ducked into the bathroom. She slouched back into the Sarah-shaped imprint she'd left in the couch, a frown settling onto her face.

"Alright, everyone get your shots in while you can, yeah?" Sarah grumbled. "There's not gonna be a Sarah at this thing."

The sound of Helena tut-tutting emerged from the bathroom.

"She will come, Sarah," she said.

"Sorry, dude," Cosima chuckled. "There's just no way."

"I'm sorry, Helena, but I have to agree," Alison added. "With our… _history_ , it seems unlikely."

"You will see," Helena said, doubling down. "I sent a very nice computer message."

"Yeah, we got you that computer to play games and watch Disney movies, not to send e-mails to bloody proclones."

"There is a lot more you can do with computers, Sarah. Did you not know?" Helena said, then paused.

"Please do not take my computer away. Me and Kira are building very strong castle in Minecrafts. If I don't help, she will be taken by the monsters," she said gravely.

"Poor thing," Alison added. "Don't take her computer, Sarah."

Sarah scrunched up her face, confused at how they'd gotten here.

"No one's takin' anyone's computer, alright? Just don't want you to be upset when she doesn't show."

"You're wrong," Helena replied, sing-song.

"Bet you anythin'," Sarah said.

Sarah heard Cosima sigh loudly, then the sound of beads clattering. Helena was suddenly standing over her, a cold look on her face, one and a half eyes painted. Sarah jumped a little.

"You do not want to make bet with me, sestra," Helena said. Her voice was flat and a little terrifying.

"Oh, uh… yeah?" Sarah tried putting on a tough face but was honestly a little scared. "Maybe I do."

"You will lose."

"Don't think so, Meathead."

Helena's eyes narrowed to thin slits.

"Fine. It is your mistake to make. Tell me what you want."

Sarah swallowed, unsure of what she was getting herself into.

"I win and you clean up at the end of the night. Give Alison a break, y'know?"

She tried to throw Alison a kind look, but her eyes were shut tight at the idea of Helena cleaning.

Helena sighed, air flapping between her lips.

"Boring. I'm disappointed." She paused, looked to the ceiling in thought.

"But it is okay. I will win. And then you will do what _I_ want." She grinned, but her eyes stayed steely cold. Her teeth looked sharper than usual.

Sarah swallowed.

"Which is…?"

"You must be sestra Krystal. For… one week."

"A week?!" Sarah practically screamed, startling Alison. She'd be going back home to Cal and Kira after this. There's no way she could subject them to that.

"That's insane, Helena," she said, softer this time. "It's not happenin'."

Helena raised her eyebrows in mock surprise.

"What happened?" she teased. "You said you would bet anything. That's what you said, yes? So very very sure that Rachel will not come."

She leaned her elbows against the arm of the couch, loose strands of hair dangling above Sarah's face.

"You are not scared you will lose, are you?"

Here's the thing: Sarah knew better than to rise to a line like that. And if she hadn't already downed two beers, or if she weren't _actually_ a little scared, she _wouldn't_. But, you know, things being what they were…

"Fine."

 _Wait_ , she thought. _Shit. No._

Helena smirked, satisfied. It made Sarah incredibly uncomfortable. She felt even more uncomfortable at the sight of Helena spitting on her palm and sticking it out for her to shake.

"Oh, uh… how 'bout we just…" Sarah carefully curled her pinky around her sister's.

"Pinky promise," Helena said knowingly. That seemed to be acceptable. She tapped Sarah's cheek with her (mercifully) dry palm, then turned back to finish her makeup. Cosima stood in the doorway, eyebrows raised at Sarah in a _what the hell did you just agree to?_ kind of look.

"You should find out what Krystal eats," Helena called back. "And how she sleeps. And if she likes men with big beards."

Sarah groaned quietly.

"I know she took a samba class," Alison offered.

"Probably not gonna come up," Sarah said.

"Just trying to help."

* * *

 **2\. The Party and the Quiche Incident**

The time for the party arrived more quickly than Alison had anticipated, though Cosima helped convince her the apartment was clean enough.

Helena was already having the time of her life hanging out with Sarah-Krystal.

"How do you make your face this shiny?" she asked, prodding at Sarah's cheek.

"It's called moisturizer, sweetie."

"Hello, ladies," came a voice from the door. It was Beth. Specifically, Beth in a very Alison sweater and headband.

"Heeeeey," Sarah sang.

She fluttered over to the door on the world's tallest high heels to greet Beth-Alison and noticed another guest hovering behind her: Veera in Beth's coat and sunglasses.

"Oh, hey, girl!" Sarah said. "Looking hot, as usual."

Veera lowered her face, caught off-guard.

"Oh. Th-thank you. Thanks."

"Hey, what about me?" Beth asked, playfully shoving Sarah in the shoulder.

"Um, yeah, the whole 'soccer mom' thing isn't exactly _in_ right now, but don't worry, babe, it'll come back. These things always do."

"I think sestra Alison looks nice," said the real Alison.

"Thank you, Helena. See? Helena thinks I'm hot."

Beth opened her arms to receive Alison's Helena-hug.

"A very happy partying to you," Alison said. Her impression left something to be desired, but the effort was there.

"And you," she added, pulling Veera into a hug of her own, whether she wanted one or not.

"You too," Veera said softly. Raising her eyes, she caught sight of Cosima, her doppelganger. Cosima raised her hand in a tentative wave. Veera waved back.

"Helena, your hair smells like beer," she noted.

"Hm?"

"Hello, dudes!" shouted Helena-Cosima from the kitchen, diverting attention away from any beer-hair conversation.

"I have been very busy with science experiments."

And she had been. The counter in front of her was nearly spilling over with drinks of all shapes and sizes and colors. No one was quite sure when she had done all this.

"Mm, this one is good," she said, after taking a small sip of a short reddish one. She walked over (carefully, on account of the Cosima boots) and handed it to Veera.

"For you, Beth. You have had such a very long day solving crimes."

"Yes," Veera said. "Y-yeah. Thanks."

It was clear from Helena's eager staring that she wouldn't get away with _not_ trying it, so she tried it, triggering a small coughing fit.

"It's very sweet," she choked.

"Yes, because you are very sweet. High five!"

Veera hesitantly raised her hand knowing the high five would likely be a little too hard. It was.

* * *

Veera, though not particularly hungry, loitered nearby as Beth filled her plate at the snack table.

"Have you said hello to your friend yet?" Beth asked.

Veera glanced over to Cosima on the couch who was busy ignoring Alison-Helena's attempts to arm wrestle her.

"Yeah," Veera answered.

"Yeah?"

"We waved."

"Waving is nice, but I bet she'd love to talk to you, don't you think?"

Veera swallowed.

"I don't know."

It's not that she didn't _want_ to talk to her, she just hadn't completely figured Cosima out yet. Beth was familiar. Beth was comfortable. Even if she was Alison.

"Hey," Beth said softly, placing an assuring hand on her shoulder. "I know that Veera might be a little scared, but she's safe here. She's with people who love her. You see what I'm saying?"

Veera nodded. Maybe it was just the way she said things, but Beth had a way of clearing her doubts. She was usually right.

"I'll go say hi," Veera decided.

"I can go with you," Beth offered.

Veera felt a small pang of guilt. Beth was kind, _too_ kind, and maybe Veera had to learn how not to rely on her so much.

"I'll be alright," she said, and to ensure she'd be alright, downed a large swig of her (still very sweet) drink before walking over.

"I am the strongest sestra of all," Alison proclaimed, holding out her bicep.

"No one's arguing with you," Cosima sighed.

Veera cleared her throat.

"Excuse me."

"Beth!" Cosima shouted. She stood and stepped toward Veera, arms out, hesitating a moment when it occurred to her that maybe she was overstepping her bounds, but Veera opened her arms, allowing her to close the distance. The hug felt surprisingly easy, like it was a piece of Veera she'd been missing. A comfort.

"H-hey, Mika."

Then, to her dismay, it ended. Cosima slipped the straps of her backpack off her shoulders.

"I brought something," she said, pulling at the zipper. "I thought that maybe, if you wanted, we could play a game."

Synapses fired in Veera's brain.

"Game?"

She craned her neck trying to sneak a peek inside. Cosima's hand emerged with a small box.

"Magic: The Gathering. Do you know how to play it?"

She did. _Two or more players face off against each other using decks comprised of spell cards and land cards. The object of the game is to reduce the opponent's life total to zero, or cause them to expend their entire deck. There are five basic colors of mana used to cast spells: green, red, blue, black, and white, which are gained by playing and "tapping" land cards: the base types are forests, mountains, islands, swamps, and plains respectively. There are several different types of spell cards. Creature spells summon a creature to fight for you, able to deal damage to your opponent and to defend against your opponent's creatures during the combat phase. Many creatures also have specific abilities that can-_

But Beth didn't.

"I'm a fast learner," Veera said.

* * *

Sarah-Krystal and Helena-Cosima watched curiously as Beth-Alison considered her drink options.

"Why is this one green, exactly?"

Helena tilted her head to the side and scratched at her chin.

"This is a good question," she said. "What did I put in this one? It is maybe a miracle of science?"

As they considered this concept, Alison-Helena descended on the counter, grabbing and pounding two mysteriously-colored drinks down her throat.

"Whoa," Sarah said. "Damn, girl."

"Food," Alison said through a cough.

"What?"

"Is there food?" she asked.

"There's an entire table of food over there," Beth pointed out. "Oh, and I made quiche."

She found it by her side, taking it and placing it in front of Alison. _Plop._

It was barely on the counter a second before Alison had the foil off and her hand buried inside. Her sisters watched on, dumbfounded, as she shoveled a sloppy handful of quiche into her mouth.

"That's just how you're gonna eat that, huh?" Beth asked.

Alison shrugged, taking another bite.

"It's a little salty," she said.

Beth's eyes bore sharp into hers.

"But very tasty, sestra," she added sheepishly.

"Knock knock, bitches!"

Everyone's heads shot to the source of the shrill voice: Krystal, in the doorway, dressed in what looked like a Rachel Duncan Halloween costume. ' _Sexy Businesswoman'_ or something. She was a real sight.

"Ummmm…" Sarah tried to find the words. Any words at all.

With a slip of the wrist, Krystal let her purse fall to the floor.

"Someone pick that up," she said.

Then her coat.

"And that."

She kicked her legs, right then left, sending her shoes soaring in wildly different directions. The sound of something heavy tumbling to the floor echoed from an unseen corner of the room.

"And those."

No one moved. They all watched on as she glided over to one of the den chairs and took a seat.

"Sarah!" she yelled, clapping her hands. _Silence._ "Where's Sarah?"

"She's not here," Beth said.

Krystal threw her head back, groaning dramatically.

"One of you will have to do. Make me a drink. Strong, but not _too_ strong."

"Did you say 'green'?" Helena asked.

Krystal spun in her chair, shot Helena a rude look.

"No."

* * *

Cosima's couldn't keep her mouth from hanging open as she watched Krystal's entrance with rapt attention. Veera, however…

"I'm attacking you with these three."

"Hm?"

Cosima turned back, suddenly overwhelmed by the game in front of her. Man, there were a lot of cards…

"Oh, um, I'll block your serpent with my rhino."

"My serpent can't be blocked this turn," Veera said, a smug smile beginning to pull at her lips.

"Right," Cosima said, taking a look at her measly hand. "Then, I'll play this Commencement of Festivities which prevents all-"

Veera slapped a card down like she'd been ready.

"Counterspell."

"Oh."

Cosima snuck another peek at her hand, hoping she'd see something else this time. _Nope._ Still just two useless forests.

"I guess you win," she said.

Veera began sweeping up the cards, smile plastered on her face.

"You really are a fast learner," Cosima said.

Veera paused, considering.

"Detective's intuition."

Her smile gradually faded as she finished putting her cards away. She chewed at her lip like she wanted to say something. Cosima had a feeling she knew what it was.

"Rematch?" she offered.

Veera broke into a grin, nodding, and began reshuffling her deck.

* * *

Krystal tentatively brought the drink to her lips and sipped. She winced.

"This is terrible, and you're terrible," she said. Then in a whisper: "I'm so sorry, you know I actually think you're, like, amazing." Then out loud: "I hate you."

"Can you taste the ice cream?" Helena asked.

"Go away."

Helena reached for the drink, but Krystal pulled away.

"I didn't say I wouldn't drink it."

Helena shrugged and wandered off, curious to see what Cosima-Veera and Veera-Beth were doing on the floor.

"Can you believe her?" Krystal asked, turning to Beth-Alison, Sarah-Krystal, and Alison-Helena on the couch, a row of blank stares. "And did you see what she was wearing?"

"You have a very loud mouth," Alison hissed. "I should sew it shut."

* * *

"I will fight you with this one and this one," Helena said. She'd joined Veera and Cosima, figuring that, as Cosima, she should know how to play with all these funny-looking cards. "And this one."

She didn't.

"This one is a defender card," Veera pointed out. "It can't attack. _This_ one is dead. It should actually be in your graveyard pile. And _this_ one is a Pokémon card."

"I'm not sure where you even got that," Cosima added.

"Do I win?" Helena asked, but before she had a chance to revel in her almost-certain victory, she caught a glimpse of a long shadow hovering by the front door.

"Sarah!" she yelled. The shadow disappeared in an instant, the _clomp-clomping_ of heavy footsteps echoing through the hall.

Now acclimated to her Cosima boots, Helena sprang to her feet, took a running leap over Krystal's lap (who let out a very un-Rachel-like shriek) and rounded the corner in time to spot Rachel at the top of the stairs.

"Sarah!" she yelled again. Rachel froze. "You made it."

Rachel turned around, slow and calm, as though she hadn't just tried to make a break for it. She was the perfect Sarah Manning: hair, jacket, makeup, boots. Almost _too_ perfect. A Sarah Manning still in the cellophane.

"I did," she said.

"Come," Helena said, tugging at Rachel's arm. "Everyone is waiting for you."

Rachel dragged behind Helena with leaden footsteps. The scene inside was exactly as she'd feared: all eyes on her, everyone speaking to each other in frantic whispers. _This was a mistake._

"Dudes!" Helena boomed. "Sarah is here!"

She turned, smirking, to face a panicked-looking Sarah.

"Look, Krystal! It's Sarah!"

Sarah stared back wide-eyed, mouth hung open, unable to respond.

"Hello, Sarah," Beth said, mercifully cutting through the uncomfortable silence. She and Rachel exchanged cordial nods.

"Yeah, um, hey," Sarah said, finding her voice.

"Oi oi," Rachel said. It sounded oddly natural. Like she'd rehearsed.

"Oh! Sarah," Krystal called, oblivious to the tension in the room. "Fix me a drink, will you? Chop chop."

Rachel's face twisted into a look of horror.

"What is this?"

"Oh," Sarah said, sensing a potential situation and quickly stepping in between the two. "You know, that's, like… you know. That's… Rachel?"

Rachel inhaled sharply through her nose.

" _That's_ Rachel," she repeated, forced calm in her voice.

Krystal tapped impatiently at her empty glass.

"Yeah, I'm hearing a lot of talking and not a lot of drink making, so if you could get on that, that'd be great."

Sarah's eyes shot between the two, terrified. Rachel, however, was eerily calm, an unsettling smile creeping onto her face.

"Sure," she said and stepped toward the kitchen counter.

"Hey, Beth?" Sarah called, trying desperately not to freak out. "I mean, uh, Alison. Help Sarah with the drinks? And, like, make sure the drain cleaner stays under the sink?"

Beth shot Sarah a thumbs-up, heading off for Rachel-babysitting duty. Sarah spun around, finding the group farthest out of Rachel's earshot (Helena, Veera, and Cosima). She quickly dashed over to them, still trying and still failing to keep it together.

"She showed up," she whispered, panicked. "She actually showed up."

"Yes," Cosima-Veera said. "It's surprising."

"I'm spending an energy counter to look at the top card of my library," Veera said.

Sarah shook her head frantically.

"What?"

Veera looked up from her cards, confused.

"Sorry, what were you talking about?"

Sarah exhaled, ran a hand through her hair. This wasn't helping. She just had to… deal with it. Reluctantly, she found her way over to the group at the kitchen area.

"Hey!" she squawked, a little too loudly. _God, she was too drunk for this._ "How we doing here, ladies?"

She and Rachel caught each other's eyes, both silently acknowledging that this was weird.

"Good!" Helena said. "Everyone is here. Sarah is here and she has bourbons, so she is very good."

Rachel kept her head down, hiding her face behind a drink.

"Great!" Sarah said, hopefully sounding normal. "This is all just… so great."

"Really great," Beth agreed.

"We have a connection, sestra," Alison-Helena said, reaching a hand out to Rachel, her faux-twin. Rachel choked a bit on her drink. "Can you feel it?"

Sarah quickly reached out and pulled Alison's arm back down to her side.

"Yeah, don't do that."

"Sarah!" Krystal called, still not reading the room even a little bit. "Drink!"

Rachel grit her teeth, eyes boring holes in the back of Krystal's head.

"She's a bit much, isn't she?" Beth observed.

"Yes," Helena-Cosima said. "I would like to crack open her skull and study her brain."

Everyone turned to face her, horrified. Well, everyone except Rachel, who had put on what could only be described as a wistful smile.

"For science," Helena clarified.

"Wouldn't mind seeing that," Rachel said.

"Here," Beth said, handing Rachel a (not poisoned) drink. "Better take this to her."

Rachel's eyes fell to the drink in her hand, then back up to Beth as if to say, _you can't be serious._

"It should hopefully shut her up for a bit," Beth said.

Rachel sighed softly, conceding the point, and began walking over.

"How are you doing, Krystal?" Beth asked, noticing Sarah's face contorting itself in an effort to seem somewhat calm.

"Kinda freaking out, to be honest," she admitted.

"Because of the bet," Helena said.

"Because this is weird!" Sarah whispered furiously. "It's weird, and something's gonna happen."

Helena shook her head, _tsk-tsking._

"You worry too much," she said. "She is here to have fun, like us."

Everyone briefly considered, then rejected the idea of Rachel Duncan ever wanting to have _fun._

"Well," Beth said. "Whatever the reason, she's here. And it's fine. Nothing's going to happen."

Right on cue, they were hit with a sudden tidal wave of shrieks and screams. Rachel stood above Krystal, horrible obscenities spewing from her mouth, forcefully shoving an entire quiche into her face.

"It's _-mmmmmphhhh-_ so salty!"

Beth rushed over, instinct kicking in, and grabbed Rachel by the shoulders. Rachel's superhuman fury held in her place.

"Can someone help me here?" Beth asked, desperate.

Sarah somehow managed to pull herself together and ran over to help. She was only a couple feet away when she was intercepted by a leaping Helena, or rather, Alison-as-Helena, who latched onto Beth's back with a vise grip.

"This is not helping!" Beth screamed.

* * *

The mood in the apartment was different after the Quiche Incident. Krystal was thankfully unharmed, save for a bit of smudged makeup and some sticky hair, which she was now tending to in the bathroom. Helena had somehow managed to persuade both Krystal and Rachel to stay; Rachel had been cooling off in the far corner of the loft for several minutes now. The others had dropped character and were debating next steps, which was proving challenging after all the drinking.

"I think you should be the one to talk to her, Sarah," Beth said.

Sarah laughed, appalled.

"Piss off. Not a chance."

"She does kinda have a weird thing for you," Cosima noted.

"Please, sestra," Alison whined, the only one who refused to break character. "You forgave me. You must forgive Rachel for the quichings."

"Christ! Fine!" Sarah conceded. She really, _really_ didn't want to, but this whole thing was a real buzzkill, and she just needed it done.

With purpose, she strode over to Rachel's shame corner and took a seat next to her.

"What do you want, Krystal?" Rachel snapped, in what was still a pretty impeccable cockney accent.

 _Okay. If she wanted to do this in character, fine. Might make things easier._

"Just seeing how you're doing, sweetie."

The word ' _sweetie'_ seemed to hang in the air like a bad smell. She regretted it instantly.

"You wanna talk about what happened there?" she asked, quickly moving on.

"No."

"Okay," Sarah said, fighting an eye-roll. "You wanna talk about anything else?"

"No."

"Great. Good talk."

Sarah moved to stand up, but something stopped her. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she'd been hit with a sudden wave of guilt.

"I just hope you know we're happy you're here," she said. "You're like, our sister, you know?"

Rachel finally looked over at Sarah, shock and confusion written all over her face. Yeah, Sarah hadn't exactly expected to say it either.

And then -and this was _definitely_ the alcohol- she leaned in for a hug. She watched Rachel's expression morph from confusion to more confusion to horror as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

' _Sweetie'_ had felt weird. This felt _wrong._

Rachel had gone stiff, all bones and sharp angles, some built-in defense mechanism to protect against dangers like mild affection. Sarah cursed under her breath, holding the hug for an uncomfortable amount of time, only because she knew the moments after would be worse. Finally, she pulled away.

Rachel's lips were pursed tight, eyes wide, staring back at Sarah with a look of ultimate betrayal. Sarah realized she needed to say something. _Anything,_ really.

"I, uh… took a samba class once."

"I should leave," Rachel said.

"Yes!" Helena shouted out of nowhere, causing them both to jump. "Let's go somewhere!"

"Oh," Sarah said, stunned. "Wait, hang on."

"I want to go!" Alison joined in. "Where are we going?"

"I want…" Helena said, pausing dramatically. "... _to dance."_

This was all happening very suddenly and seemed like another disaster waiting to happen. On the other hand, everyone seemed eager to escape the party-killing atmosphere left behind after the Quiche Incident.

Sarah looked over at Rachel. Rachel looked at her. They both remembered the hug.

"Let's go!" Sarah yelled, leaping to her feet.

* * *

 **3\. Hitting the Streets and Other People**

At some point, through the smoky haze, through the sea of writhing bodies, through the endless, pulsing drumbeat, Sarah snapped out of her trance, suddenly remembering that she'd come here with other people. She scanned the area, finally spotting three familiar shapes at the bar. She pushed her way through the crowd and made it over to them: Veera, Cosima, and Beth.

"Oh my god, I am _so_ sorry," she said, effortlessly slipping into her Krystal voice. "I completely spaced and lost track of time. I don't even remember how we got here. We can totally leave whenever you want."

"Are you kidding?" Veera asked. Sarah wondered how she could see anything in this place with Beth's sunglasses on. "This is exactly where I want to be after a long day's work."

She took what looked to be a pretty big swig of her drink.

"I've seen things you wouldn't believe, kid."

A laugh forced its way out of Sarah's throat.

"'Kid'? How much have you had to drink, Beth?"

"She hasn't had that much, actually," Beth said.

"Have you tried this whiskey?" Veera asked. "It burns, but I can handle it because I'm a hard-boiled detective."

She giggled quietly to herself like she'd made a joke.

"Don't worry," Beth said, smiling fondly at Veera. "I'm making sure she drinks plenty of water." She seemed to be taking to the mother hen role.

"Great," Sarah said. "I guess everyone's okay then?"

"We're okay, Krystal," Cosima said. She was faced out toward the dance floor. "Observing the people here is actually proving to be quite interesting. Helena, in particular."

Sarah followed Cosima's eyes and spotted her immediately. A circle had formed around Alison - some of the onlookers seemed amazed, some amused, and some looked genuinely afraid. She was a hurricane: spinning, jumping, kicking, thrashing with no regard for the beat of the song, or in fact, anyone around her. She was in her own world.

Also in their own world: the two women in the crowd slow-dancing to EDM. It took Sarah a moment to realize one of them was Helena. The other had clearly had too much to drink, slumped against Helena with all her weight.

She spotted Krystal at the other end of the bar sitting next to _some guy_ who, even from this distance, was obviously hitting on her. Krystal was playing with the straw in her drink, seemingly bored out of her mind.

Sarah scanned the crowd again, searching, but...

"Where did Sarah go?" she asked, wondering if maybe Rachel had bolted. This didn't exactly feel like her kind of scene.

"I'm not sure," Cosima said. "I haven't been able to- whoa."

Beth turned in her seat and followed Cosima's gaze. Her eyes shot open.

"Holy… macaroni."

Sarah looked again, and finally, in the way back corner, she spotted her.

 _Holy macaroni._

She was surrounded on either side by two of the sweatiest people Sarah had ever seen: a man behind her, a woman in front. They all moved together as one, undulating, bodies locked tight together in a death grip.

It was all pretty on-brand for Sarah Manning, but still, _Jesus Christ._

"Wow, that's, uh…"

"That's our Sarah," Beth said.

* * *

"So, what do you do?"

Krystal-Rachel poked at the salt on the rim of her glass with her straw. It was more interesting than anything this man had to say.

"I'm in the cloning business," she said flatly.

"Oh, awesome." _Pause._ "Did you say 'clothing'?"

" _Cloning,"_ she repeated in an exasperated sigh. "We make clones. Soccer moms. Hackers. Hot manicurists. _Me."_

"That's cool, that's cool. So... what do you do for fun?"

"You're boring me now. Get out of my sight."

"Oi, mate," Rachel said, having suddenly appeared behind them. A very sweaty woman dangled from her neck like a human scarf. "You botherin' my sister?"

"Um, we're trying to have a conversation here, Sarah," Krystal said, and with no small amount of shame, she draped her arm around the man next to her.

"No, you know what?" he said, shaking her loose. "I'm done here. To be honest, lady, your sister's kind of a stuck-up bitch."

And before Krystal even had a chance to get angry, Rachel's fist flew forward, connecting with the man's nose with a sickening crunch. The woman clinging to Rachel jumped back, quickly vanishing into the crowd.

"Oh, fuck!" Krystal shrieked.

Rachel found an empty bottle on the counter and brought it shattering over the man's skull. He crumpled to the floor in a heap.

"Holy fuck!"

* * *

There was a good deal of chaos after Rachel's second violent act of the night, the sisters scrambling to gather each other and evacuate the club before the police arrived. Beth was off-duty, and she was also Alison, so… _what could she do, really?_

"Look, I'm still mad about the frittata thing," Krystal said to Rachel once they were a safe distance away from the crime scene.

"It was a quiche, actually," Beth pointed out.

"Quiche, whatever. What I'm saying is that you almost killed a man for me, so I guess you can't be all bad. You're alright, Sarah Manning."

"About earlier," Rachel said, the words snagging in her throat. "I… what I mean to say is-"

Krystal placed a light hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"We're good."

* * *

"Bye, Cosima!"

Helena's new friend hung halfway out of the window of her ride, reaching for her hand. Helena took it.

"I love you, okay? I mean that."

"Goodbye, Vicki," Helena said with a wave.

"I'll text you."

The car pulled away, knocking the woman (Vicki?) back into her seat.

"She is called Vicki with an 'i'," Helena told the others. "She is my friend."

"Huh," Cosima said, because what else could she say? Slowly though, it began to dawn on her.

"Wait, 'text'? You didn't give her my number, did you?"

"No, mine."

"Right, but yours _yours_ or yours _mine?"_

"Yes."

* * *

The eight sisters wandered the streets, no particular destination in mind. Helena was walking by Sarah's side at the front of the pack, loudly humming a particularly repetitive tune she'd heard in the club.

This had been going on for a solid five minutes now.

...

Sarah decided to check out what the others were up to.

Cosima was prattling on to Veera about the merits of the film adaptation of Dune, Veera listening intently with a soft smile on her face. They looked like they'd been friends all their lives.

Alison leaned heavily on Beth's shoulder, exhausted from her bout of Helena-dancing. Beth's arm hung loose around her, hand gently patting her back.

Krystal and Rachel were… sharing a frozen yogurt? _Where had that come from?_ And Krystal was laughing? Yes, Krystal was laughing at something Rachel was saying. Was she telling a joke? That couldn't be right. It was like one of those Magic Eye pictures - no matter how long Sarah stared, trying to make sense of it, it only ended up giving her a headache.

Giving up, she turned back around. It was at that moment that a couple rounded the corner ahead of her. Her eyes instinctively went to the cute blonde first, but then…

"Tony?!"

"Oh, you've gotta be shitting me," Tony said with a look of horror.

His clothes were slightly less raggedy than usual, his hair a little less ratty than usual, but it was definitely Tony. His arm hung around the suddenly very confused blonde by his side.

"You said you were busy," Sarah said, smirking. "Didn't know you had a hot date."

"Yeah, well, can't say I'm sorry I missed whatever the fuck this is."

The words were harsh, but the tone was at least partly amicable.

"Hey," Beth chided, lightly shoving his shoulder. "Watch your mouth, mister."

"Um." The blonde slowly drew her eyes along the eight _(eight!)_ women in front of her, all in completely different outfits, some very obviously wearing wigs, but all with Tony's face. "Are these… your sisters?"

"Yes!" Alison yelled, head still firmly planted on Beth's shoulder. "Sestras!"

"Jesus," Tony groaned, running a palm over his face. "Look, babe, I'll tell you all about it, but we should really get outta here."

"Aw, _Tonyyyy,"_ Sarah pouted, obnoxious as possible. "Don't go! We miss you!"

Tony quickly shuffled away, date in arm, to the sound of his sisters' protests and wolf-whistles. He flashed them a parting middle finger before disappearing down a side street.

"We should follow them," Alison said with a mischievous grin.

"I think we've done enough damage," Beth said.

"Okay," Alison conceded, no energy left to argue. "Then let's go somewhere I can sit. Somewhere quiet."

Unexpectedly, it was Rachel who spoke up.

"I know a place."

* * *

 **4\. Shite Beach and the Long Week Ahead**

 _Shite Beach,_ one of Sarah's old hangouts. She was a little concerned as to how Rachel knew about it, but she wasn't really prepared to have _that_ conversation now.

Alison, with the last of her energy, had managed to channel her inner Helena and build a small campfire. It was below freezing out, but between the warmth of the fire and each other, everyone was comfortable.

Cosima and Veera were on their backs, the former gently guiding the arm of the other, tracing lines against the sky.

"See, it goes from _here_ all the way down to _here."_ Cosima said. She brought their arms up again. "And then across _here."_

"Oh!" Veera said, smiling. "I see it. Cygnus."

"Mhm."

Their arms slowly dropped back down to their sides, still entwined.

* * *

Sarah sat in between Rachel and Krystal, and Helena lay across all three of their laps, feet on Krystal's, head on Rachel's. Sarah could not for the life of her remember how they'd gotten into this position, but now she was stuck here.

"You hit him very hard, didn't you?" Helena asked, carefully examining the damage done to Rachel's knuckles. Remarkably, Rachel was letting her do this.

"She really did," Krystal agreed, still slightly traumatized.

"Deserved it," Rachel said. She winced as Helena fingers found a tender area.

"Not so easy being Sarah Manning, is it?" Sarah asked, chuckling.

"Piss off."

It seemed she'd more or less gotten the hang of it.

"It is more easy being Krystal, I hope," Helena said, grinning up at her sister. Sarah groaned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Krystal asked, feeling out whether or not she should be offended.

"She was so very sure Sarah would not come. Now she must be Krystal for one week."

"Oh god," Sarah moaned, burying her face in her hands.

Rachel laughed, softly at first, but it only became funnier over time.

"What's so bad about that exactly?" Krystal asked, drawing out more laughter.

"Hey, shut up!" Sarah said, shoving Rachel in the arm. She did not shut up. In fact, she started laughing harder. "You totally screwed me by showing up."

"Do not fight, you two," Helena said softly. Her head dropped to the side, watching the fire. "It is too nice here."

Sarah realized with an unexpected warm feeling in her chest that Helena was right.

* * *

"You think maybe you went a little overboard tonight?" Beth asked. Alison's body had given out, slumped against Alison like a sandbag.

"Maybe," she said. "It was a good party though, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Beth said, patting her shoulder. "You did good."

Alison's eyes drifted lazily, settling on each of her sisters in turn. Her family.

"If I were sestra Alison," she said. "I would want to make a speech right now."

Beth looked down at her, suspicious.

"Please?" Alison said, eyes wide, child-like.

"Speech!" Helena yelled, piercing through the quiet. Others joined in, a small chorus.

Beth narrowed her eyes at Alison, who met her with a cheeky smile. Sighing, she slid out from under Alison (causing her to crumple unceremoniously to the ground) and stood to a small but enthusiastic round of applause. She scratched at the back of her neck, feeling the weight of her sisters' expectant eyes on her.

"They say you can't choose your family," she started. "I consider myself incredibly lucky then, to have been given all of _you. My sisters._ I truly could not have chosen a better family."

"Cosima," she said. Helena's and Cosima's heads both perked up. "I've never met anyone with a more brilliant mind. Every moment with you is a learning experience, and I'm a better person for having met you. Also, you give the best hugs, and that's something to be proud of."

Helena stretched her hand out behind her toward Cosima, who took it. They smiled brightly at each other.

"Krystal, your determination and your resilience inspire me. You've been through it all, and every time, you come out the other side stronger and brighter than ever."

Krystal fanned her face with one hand, desperately digging through her purse for a tissue with the other. Sarah brought her arm around her shoulder.

"And your nails always look great," Beth added, drawing a tear-choked laugh out of Krystal.

"Helena, you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. You show me the good in others when I can't see it for myself. You bring out the light in all of us."

Helena blinked. Her whole body felt hot. She'd finally found a family that truly loved her, and it still didn't feel real, though the feeling of Alison's hand suddenly gripping tightly around hers helped remind her it was. _This was real._

"Sarah, I don't think we can ever thank you enough for what you've done for all of us. You never hesitated to put yourself in harm's way to protect your sisters. You're our hero."

Sarah, struck with embarrassment, turned her head to the side and caught Rachel staring back at her. Her eyes seemed desperate, something written in them that she could never bring herself to say.

 _I'm sorry?_

 _Forgive me?_

 _I don't want to be alone?_

Sarah nodded to her, an assurance Sarah felt she needed. She watched as Rachel's face softened.

"Veera," Beth said. "Mika... I hope that tonight has shown you how much we all adore you. In the darkest period of Beth's life, you were her strength. I want for everyone here to know what that feels like, to have you in their lives. You don't have to-"

Her voice caught in her throat. She paused, took a breath.

"You don't have to be alone anymore."

Heat rushed to Veera's face. Her eyes burned with tears. Reflexively, she buried her face into Cosima's shoulder. Cosima held her as she cried.

"Rachel," Beth started.

Rachel felt her entire body tense up. She hadn't even dared consider the possibility of being mentioned. Not for the first time that night, Rachel regretted ever having shown up.

 _This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a mistake._

" _Rachel, Rachel, Rachel,"_ Beth said, shaking her head, though her face remained soft. "I'll admit I never expected to see you here tonight. And I'll admit that I'm not entirely sure what it means for us. But maybe, hopefully, it means we can start over. A clean slate. So, if you're open to it, on behalf of all of us, _your sisters,_ I want to welcome you to our family. We're glad you came."

Rachel blinked - _once, twice, three times_ \- stunned. She slowly turned her head, met the others' gazes, and finally saw their expressions for what they were. _Curious. Cautious, maybe. But not unkind._

"I was sure no one wanted me here," she said softly, to no one in particular. "I came out of spite."

"And now?" Helena asked, looking up at her from her lap. "Why did you stay?"

The words on her mind felt like a betrayal of everything she knew how to be. She couldn't say them. Not yet.

"Do not think about it so much," Helena said, tapping Rachel's knee. "Just stay with us."

Tomorrow, Rachel would have to go back. Back to the boardrooms. Back to her lonely, soulless apartment. But for now, maybe this was fine. Maybe she could admit to herself that this was fine.

"Beth," Beth said. "You… You're alright, I guess."

"We love you, Beth!" Alison shouted, very quickly joined by a loud chorus of whoops and cheers.

"Alright, alright," Beth said, hoping the darkness was enough to hide her blushing face.

"And I guess I should say something about, uh… myself." She scrunched her face up, struggling to figure out how this one was going to work. "I'm proud to say that I pour my entire heart into everything I do. Being a mother, acting… party planning."

The others chuckled to themselves. Cosima reached over and playfully nudged Alison.

"I take such good care of all of you, and, um… _ah, screw this._ You're amazing, and I love you, Ali."

Alison laughed through her tears, quickly standing and throwing her arms around Beth.

"Love you, Beth."

A few _awwws_ rose up from the audience. Alison wiped the moisture from her face and stayed standing alongside Beth as she closed out her speech.

"Family is a messy thing. It's not always what you expect. But what we have here, what we've found in each other, _this_ is what matters. I'm honored to call each and every one of you my sister. Thank you all for being here tonight, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that we'll be able to share many, _many_ more nights like this one. As a family."

The sisters erupted into raucous applause, stumbling over each other to hug Beth. (Veera gave the biggest one, in case you were wondering.) Soon, a new wave of calm fell over them, and together, they all sat and waited for the sun to rise.

* * *

It was the morning after the day after the party, and Helena stood at the door to Sarah's apartment. _Knock knock._ She hummed to herself as she waited, a fun little tune she remembered hearing at the club. Soon enough, the door opened, her sister's boyfriend on the other side.

"Hello, Cal. It is good to see you."

Cal said nothing, only shook his head disapprovingly as he walked away, quickly disappearing into another room. It was more or less what Helena was expecting.

"Auntie Helena!"

Helena beamed as her niece came into view, running full speed into her arms.

"Good morning, angel," Helena said into Kira's hair. "You are well?"

"Mmhmm."

Her breath tickled Helena's neck. It felt like sunshine.

"Is your mother home?" Helena asked, biting at her lip to keep from giggling.

When Kira stepped back from Helena, she was grinning.

"No," she said. "But Auntie Krystal is."

Helena grinned back.

"Mm. Good."

"She's silly," Kira said, very matter-of-fact.

"Yes, very silly."

Helena reached into her pocket, pulling out a slightly bent candy bar she'd been saving.

"For you, angel," she said, handing it over. "For being Auntie Helena's good little spy."

She put a finger to her lips, and Kira copied. Together, they would make sure Sarah's debt was paid in full.

"Hey, girl. What are you doing here?"

Helena turned to face a very worn-out-looking Sarah dressed as a very worn-out-looking Krystal. Krystal had been very eager to lend out some of her clothes and a long list of unwanted fashion tips once she realized Sarah would actually be going through with this.

"I was out walking and thought I would see how my pleminnytsya was doing," Helena said, fighting a smirk. "And Sarah. Is Sarah here?"

Sarah stuck her jaw out, irritated.

"... Nope. Just yours truly."

"Oh!" Helena shouted. "But I am very lucky you are here, sestra Krystal. My nails are very boring, I think. Maybe you could paint them?"

Sarah twisted her face into something that probably didn't pass for a genuine smile.

"Aw, sweetie, you know I'd like, _love_ to, you know I would, but I just don't have any of my-"

Helena emptied her coat pockets onto the dining table, bottles and bottles and _so many bottles_ of nail polish.

"These will work, yes?"

Sarah stared, dumbfounded, at the mess on her table, then back up at Helena.

"Just out walking, huh?" she asked.

"Yes," Helena said. "Very big coincidence."

"Okay, whatever," Sarah said, sighing. She took a seat at the table, brushing bottles aside to make room. "Gimme your hand."

"Oh. No. Not these nails," Helena said. She kneeled and began untying her shoelaces.

Sarah's head fell into her hands. This would be a long week.


End file.
